Monthly Archives: October 2015

From Where I Sit

I’d rather be at the library.

But when I pulled into the library parking lot this morning, I realized it was closed.

Libraries should never, ever, ever be closed. Ever.

So I’m here, in a busy breakfast joint instead – trying to sort out life.

I’d prefer to be surrounded by books than the bustle of all these people, so I thought about just heading home.

But I have business and emails and lesson plans to attend to – and being at home doing those things doesn’t always pan out to be productive at all.

Therefore, the smell of burnt breakfast sandwiches and flavored coffee is in the air. Babies are crying, groups of people are meeting, the clang of the cafe dish abounds.

I am grateful for ear buds and iTunes radio at this point.

The Ohio trip has ended, leaving me glad for the hellos – but also leaving me gripping a mile high to-do list to sift through, all the worries waiting on me that I had before I left, plus some.

Rain is falling, the cloud cover is hovering low, flash flood warnings are going off on everyone’s cell phones.

The weather fits my mood, really.

I feel so very small today.

So very, very small.

And somewhat incapable.

And maybe even a tad lost.

And busted.

I feel like a few bubbles have been busted.

At 32, I look back and I look around and I look forward from where I currently sit – and I feel weird.

So much of what I thought I would accomplish, I never did.

And no wonder. I was always a really good dreamer, but a pretty lousy doer.

So much of what I envisioned for my life – isn’t what has come to fruition.

That isn’t necessarily bad.

It’s just weird.

Pondering in this way – leaves me feeling strange, true.

But please do hear that I also feel thankful. Thankful for the good things I do have, and the bad things I don’t. Thankful for the good that has happened, and for the terrible that didn’t.

So while I’m at this cafe tending to the everyday mundane – lists, messages, curriculum…. I’m also thinking about where I go from here – in the big picture.

What should I continue?
What should I drop?
What dreams do I hold onto?
Which ones do I hush?
What desires are good and noble?
Which ones are haughty and selfish?
What in  the world should I be working toward?

Asking God to reveal Himself to me.

Also asking that He would reveal me to me.

Autumn

I’m leaning back on a velvet crimson pillow embroidered with a golden stitched crown. My feet are propped and crossed under a fine quilted throw. There are magazines picked out just for me – sitting in the chair to my left. There is a ham hot in the oven, a plate of snickerdoodles on the counter, a sky high carrot… Read more →

Last Saturday

You can’t creep up on people in an old cabin. Wood from the 1800’s creeks and cracks, making it hard to sneak. Thankfully. I have a few jokesters in my crew who like to creep up on their Mama every now and then. Due to the old flooring, I’ve been forwarned our whole stay. This morning I slipped out of… Read more →

Away

I wonder how many letters have been written at this old dark desk. How many notes of affection, business transactions, letters of love to family in some far off town somewhere. It’s an antique. All high and broad and stoic. I’m always drawn to desks. Furniture stores, flea markets, homes of friends – I feel a sort of connection with… Read more →