I was all of 25 when my oldest was 2.
A child raising a toddler, I was even more clueless as I am now about bringing up this surprise gift of a boy. Looking back out on the early years of his life, I wish I could knock on my Ohio door and have a talk over tea with myself.
I needed a good sit down and reprimand.
If I could sip from China and chime wisdom down into my old young soul, I’d share so much.
But the one that’s been ringing in my ears and dangling in my face lately has been this…
“Let him pray long. Just listen and linger.”
I feel my chest grip as I type it, and there’s a sting and water that’s pooling in my spectacles.
When my first born was little, all stretched out in his wooden tot bed in footed pajamas, he would lay relaxed and let his prayers run long. His prayers weren’t petitions, they were praises. He would thank God for everything in the room, for every person in his life, for all the events that happened that day. And this conversation between a little guy and his God – it would take just about forever.
And then there was his mother.
Living a life of rush and furry, I was always antsy and anxious about my me agenda. When he would pray long, I would lament. And I would cut him off. And I would even scold, and roll my eyes, and hurry his sweet impeded speech into an amen. It pains me much to recount it.
Because now, he is a sturdy 9. He’ll enter the double digits in just about 4 short months. And this oldest boy… he is now the most reluctant to lead our family in prayer. Every eve, when we gather around bunks and pull up blankets, his Dad and I have to push the prayers out of him. They are short, and hurried, and awkward much of the time.
And this… is my doing. I shaped and formed that behavior with my own hands. And it’s why there are tears streaming down 32 year old cheeks this morning.
I have asked for forgiveness. From my good God, and from my growing kid.
Just this morning, when he emerged with his siblings after keeping them in their den until an appropriate hour… I pulled his stout boy body to me and told him again. He grinned all sheepish and nodded his grace.
I trust that his prayers will flow free and easy again. I already see some sweet improvements. Undoing what was taught and trained will take time, but I’m trusting.
And you. Mom of some lengthy praying little…
Let them pray long. Just listen and linger. There’s nothing more important waiting.
And if you’ve messed it all up like me, it’s never too late for repentance and refiguring.
All things are capable of being redeemed.
Even children who’ve been trained perfectly by perfect parents go through stages. This is not necessarily anything to blame yourself for. Yes, we could have always done things better. Yes we certainly could linger longer with our children. You will realize this more and more as they grow. Continue to grow as a parent and God will be faithful to fill in the gaps in our parenting skills. He will go through stages of boldness and stages of ackwardness in front of others. It’s a part of growing up. Enjoy all the lingering you can get now!
Yes, so trying to enjoy all the lingering now! And so grateful for His faithfulness all the time… to ‘fill in those gaps’! Have a great day! – Kate