Her

When I stepped out of bed at dawn that day my body told me I had lost something.

My feet hit the floor.

My faith rocked.

I cried out.

And then I crumbled.

In that swift, sick moment – I felt Him say “It’s going to be okay.” But the proof of life lost leaked anyway. A doctor’s appointment later in the day confirmed it.

I crawled into bed that night confused.

I had clearly heard the “It’s going to be okay” word when I realized what was happening that day, but it wasn’t okay. Baby two was gone.

Yet, in the weeks following I felt hope rising again. Excitement bubbled as I planned to pursue a baby once more, only to find out about a cyst on my ovary. My doctor wanted it to go away before we tried for another child.

Not “okay”. With a distorted, tear-streaked face I looked to Heaven in wonderment and chaos.

Thankfully, the cyst dissolved but my dreams didn’t, so we got the green light to go again. And on a cool October day in the early hours of a Saturday, a faint pink line appeared next to another one and I felt pleased but cautious.

Then in late July 2009, we welcomed a bundle of pink.

She’s 8 today.

And she’s light and sass and spunk and love and fierceness.

We’re the gals of the house. And it’s good. And I thank God. And it’s all more than just “okay” now.

Daughter,

On your birthday, I bask in the odd faithfulness of a mysterious God.

You’re the gift I needed, the life I longed for, the restoration after the loss.

We celebrate, give thanks, and wonder wildly at what you’ll be.

You’re fantastic and we are forever smitten.

Go about your day, your years, your life – knowing that you were sought after and that you are savored and that your good God has mighty things planned for you.

With Him, it’s all possible.

Happy, happy birthday love.

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  9 comments for “Her

  1. Jan Thompson
    July 20, 2017 at 6:27 am

    To the prettiest, smartest, sweetest spirited EIGHT YEAR OLD I know ~~~~~~~May your birthday be blessed and peace, joy, and happiness follow you today and every day to come ! I love you so, so much ?❤, Jeslyn Abigail.
    From MawMaw Jan in Texas

  2. Jessie Rowland
    July 20, 2017 at 8:14 am

    I shed some tears reading your post. Each miscarriage story is different but we are all alike in losing something that was a part of us. When I miscarried, the nurses and doctors that God put in our horrible day smothered us with love. It was the hardest time of my adult life thus far. We were deeply shaken but not destroyed. “It Is Well” came to me over and over when we were in the midst of our heart break. Still, when I hear “It Is Well” I imgaine a heavenly scene. One that includes my baby and others being held by Jesus. They don’t need their momma’s because they are fully content. I long for her but she is happier than I could ever have made her.

    God blessed us with a baby boy the following year. Boone is our Rainbow Baby!!! He is an energetic 4 year old that we I can’t imagine life without. Praise God for restoration! Praise God for hope!

  3. July 20, 2017 at 8:59 am

    I am so sorry that you suffered a loss at all. But I am so thankful for your Boone baby. What a gift. I’m so glad you shared. Blessings to you!

  4. July 20, 2017 at 9:00 am

    Thank you SO MUCH! She is having a great day! We love you and miss you!

  5. Patty
    July 20, 2017 at 9:20 am

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Miss Jeslyn!!! You are such a very special young lady ..so caring, delightful, smart, talented, vibrant, and beautiful and I am so blessed by your arrival 8 years ago!! I am so proud of who you are!! I hope you have a VERY Happy, Fun-filled, and Exciting Birthday and that you know how very much you are Loved!!!
    Enjoy your day!!!!! 🙂
    Love You So Much!!!
    Grandma Patty

  6. July 20, 2017 at 11:56 am

    Thank you so much Patty!! She is VERY grateful for YOU! All of us are!!! She is having great day!!! LOVE YOU!

  7. Glenda pogue
    July 20, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    Kate! Your words made me cry and then your beautiful letter to your daughter made me rejoice! Sure miss you guys here in Houston!

  8. Lacey Thompson
    July 22, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    I will NEVER forget that morning when you called and told me what happened! I cried. I shook all over. BUT, shortly after, I too got that “green light” feeling from God that all was good and as it should be. The Joy of our Jeslyn is so powerful! I am so grateful I was able to be there and spend her 8th Birthday celebrating with you all!! I said a prayer for all the Mom’s and families that have suffered like losses. Including Mawmaw Jan. She is a great resource for others in this area. Love to all!!

  9. July 24, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    Yes she is! Thank you for loving our girl! You’re a great grandmother! Love you! Thanks for coming!

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