In Grief and Absence

In an hour they’ll all gather.

I wish so badly I could be there to mourn and hug and resolve and remember.

Instead, I’m here tending to two boys with fevers and flu symptoms. Halfheartedly, if I may be so honest.

Sitting at my long white Magnolia table yesterday, my husband and I discussed how I might be able to swing a road trip up north for my friend Carrie’s funeral. It feels so strange to type the words Carrie and funeral in the same sentence. Feels wrong and jagged.

In the middle of making plans, the youngest came over to us feeling like fire. He had been mostly well for a few days, only to have his fever spike again. His brother fell ill later in the evening. No school for the boys means no trip for Mama.

Since I can’t be there with the others in grief, I’ll let it spill here. Words seem to come the slowest when things are the darkest, so it may not amount to much, but I want to muster up something.

Having Carrie for a friend was like having a journal that talked back. 

We were tight pen pals. She knew things about me, my life, my marriage, my heart, my plans – first. And sometimes she was the first, and the only. She was a faithful prayer warrior, cheerleader, life-speaker, a grounded and faith-filled voice that spoke truth to me in frantic, happy, ordinary moments.

I got to know her in Ohio before we moved to Houston, but our hearts grew super close from our very steady exchange of emails. They were filled with joys, sorrows, concerns, questions, plans, ideas…… life.

Separated by so many miles we journeyed together, and her passing has left me with a heavy grief.

Amazing how homes can be so far away while hearts can be just right next door.

I’ve lost a friend, but I’ve also lost a practice,  a method for dealing with life. One of my most faithful sounding boards and encouragements is busy worshipping her Savior face to face these days. Knowing this, makes the loss a tiny, tiny bit lighter.

Friends and family who are mourning Carrie’s passing:

If I could gather up all the hugs in all the world today and send them to you in one big embrace…I would. 

For everyone else:

Head here to listen to one of Carrie’s original pieces. 

I love you all.

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  9 comments for “In Grief and Absence

  1. Patty
    January 29, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    Katie, I am so sorry for the loss of your very dear friend, Carrie. I’m extremely grateful for the blessing of a genuine and deep friendship the two of you shared, and for the depth and beauty of that relationship that was enhanced by being sisters in Christ. May you always cherish those precious memories captured as you experienced life together! Hugging you from a distance today. I love you! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

  2. Cece (Carrie's SIL)
    January 29, 2018 at 4:47 pm

    Thank you Katie, she loved you! She spoke so highly of you! She treasured your words in blogs as well as your words in private. She will be missed by so many.

  3. Joyce
    January 29, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    I’ve been following some of what Carrie has gone through on her videos. She was definitely a courageous warrior for Christ and during sickness. I know the Lord has said to her “well done good and faithful servant”. I don’t know either one of you personally but, I can feel the love coming through your words. I attend your current church that your serving in so, that’s how I heard of your friends passing. I lost a very great childhood friend last year to cancer. He insisted I not come to see him in the condition that he was in. And then a few months later he passed. I can remember what a very,very difficult time that was for me not being able to go to be there with the family and other friends to mourn and the pay my respects. I will be praying for you and I know that you’re with her in spirit. I’m so very sorry for your loss. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you I’m in the Lord lift up his countenance on you (smile) on you and give you his peace is my prayer for you in Jesus name AMEN.

  4. Leslie
    January 29, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    Your husband’s post on FB lead me to your blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your precious friend’s song is so full of hope and trust in our King. Thank you for sharing. She has touched my life through it. I love your words – Amazing how homes can be so far away while hearts can be just right next door. So true. Praying for you and all. Hope your little ones get well soon.

  5. January 30, 2018 at 8:24 am

    Thank you VERY much! I’m so happy to know that her song moved and blessed you. I hope you have a very wonderful Tuesday! 🙂

  6. January 30, 2018 at 8:27 am

    Thank you so much! I love that prayer. And it’s so needed! Happy to know that you are a part of our church family. I’m so grateful for your kind support! – Kate

  7. January 30, 2018 at 8:28 am

    Hi CeCe! She spoke so highly of you too. Oh, I miss her terribly. Such an ache. Praying for you all, and grateful for you!

  8. January 30, 2018 at 8:29 am

    Hi Patty. Thank you so much for your constant care and support of me. I am so grateful for you, your servant’s heart, your prayers, your provision. I love you. 🙂

  9. CHRISTY Barnhart
    January 30, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    I attended some of Carries Bible studies and gatherings. She was so humbled to be a servant. She was a regular gal oozing with the Holy Spirit. Such a joy just to be near her and soak up her praise for our Lord and Savior. She inspired us all to be better and to do better in our relationship with God and others. We will continue to strive to be better but there is a huge whole in our hearts for the loss of dear Carrie. May God Bless You!

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