So it seems as though I’m full blown sick.
It’s knocked me flat on my backside, made me grateful for healthy seasons, and given me a fine excuse to drink Canada Dry Ginger Ale and eat Archer Farms Trail Mix with the large chocolate covered caramels inside.
The unexpected pause and rest has allowed me the rare freedom of thought, too. This fever here, making me feel like I can’t move, has stilled my work and given me the chance to wonder, ask, pray, plan.
I didn’t realize how badly I just needed to lay and think.
I’ve spent most of my hours lounging in a lawn chair outside, because it’s the only place I feel warm and don’t have chill bumps.
At one point yesterday, my eldest boy grabbed a red plastic adirondack and positioned it next to me. We were both quiet for a while, him knowing that Mom might not be up for a rousing conversation while feeling ill, but he broke the silence after a few minutes and said…
“You know, people should really just sit and watch and think more often. I’ve learned a lot by doing that.”
And my heart moved within me, and I stumbled out a few broken words about him being the one who taught me how to really see, about how he was the reason I notice nature at all, about how he inspired me to write and describe what I feel and experience outside, about how he helped me see God and goodness in the outer depths.
And it was in that moment, me all sick and hazy, him all boyish and prime and vulnerable… where I realized him further, and recognized his light to a greater extent.
“Really?”, he said.
“Oh yeah, buddy. Big time.”
And after his Daddy got home from preaching three services, I recounted the conversation all choked up and sheepish. And in the retelling, I realized and understood the gift of that kid even more.
I confess that in my ten years as his mother, I have had moments where I have looked at this child in confusion and dismay – his tendencies and thoughts so different than mine and his fathers. And I have shrugged, and shook my head, and reprimanded when it wasn’t necessary.
But now I know more truth, and I embrace what’s golden, and I address what’s black, and we all grow.
I understand that Mondays here are for discussing things I’ve read, but perhaps today what I’ve heard will suffice. The words from that boy both piercing and healing my soul, it seems like they will do just fine for today.
Join us this month, on Mondays/Wednesdays/Thursdays.
To know the details, click here. I hope you have a wonderful week, friends.