The baby is in a deep snooze.
I took a quick peek of her just now and she is side sleeping so sweet and dreamy.
The big kids are bouncing on black out back, taking a break from the books. I have joined them outside.
The wind is blowing hard and heavy in these parts today. Our pines are dancing a furious sway, the wooden wind chimes are clinking, and the boy’s weather reader is spinning fast on the fence.
There’s a blanket of grey puff covering the sky, threatening to drop water.
It’s cool. We celebrate this. Tomorrow all of our southern warmth and stick returns.
I’m thinking about yesterday. All the water that leaked from my face and why it did.
I had the good privilege of hearing three Mother’s Day speakers, and each one made tears roll.
Nothing stirs my emotions more than motherhood. I really feel all the feelings when it comes to this gig. Nothing makes me happier, angrier, giddier, prouder, humbler, more in-tune…than parenting.
It’s all the extremes and in-betweens.
It surfaces the worst and the most wonderful.
It takes us up and wispy to the high peek. And it sinks us low into the depths and darkness of rocky valley ground.
And in all the hooplas and happenings of this role – at the center of every thing, every feeling, every thought – is that I want to be the best and most stellar woman who has ever been called ‘Mom’. I want so very badly to rock every aspect and season of this.
If my kids know it, perhaps they can overlook the shortcomings. My hopes and goals don’t always match my reality, but my intent is always, always high and good and lofty when it comes to my children.
The preachers yesterday – they spoke of being in process, having long term perspective, modeling faith. They spoke of receiving the grace that’s offered, giving grace undeserved, living with the right kind of divine drive, and understanding that you are teaching while raising.
And the stories they shared, and the insights I gleaned – it all made my eyes pool and spill.
And it’s carried over. What stirred emotions yesterday, is stirring my thinking today. All they shared yesterday about motherhood is making me stand back, reassess, revisit, reevaluate.
And isn’t that how it should be? Sermons should always invoke change, encouragement, conviction…. or at least a pondering of it.
Ours succeeded. I’ll be a better mom for making sure my ears were exposed to sound truth.
I’ve moved in doors due to rain leaking from the sky.
The window is cracked just enough for me to still hear the swish of leaves.
My youngest will rise rejuvenated from nap slumber soon.
Trusting that my abilities to mother will emerge and surge ever so strengthened as the days go by, too.
