We were all able to take a deep exhale yesterday.
Everybody seems to alway be running around sucking in all kinds of heavy air these days, with no time to emit anything.
With our most recent changes, which I have yet to officially find words for, our schedules have tightened and heavied and I do not approve.
Yesterday however, allowed us the grand gift of open time.
We loaded up our nature pamphlets, binoculars, bug spray, drawing pads, cameras – and escaped to a nature reserve just down the highway a bit.
I watched my kids come alive as they hopped stones in creek beds and stood still to stare at trees kissing the sky.
Reality showed up very early this morning however, with alarm clocks and responsibilities.
And lunch boxes, uniforms, backpacks, and bad attitudes.
Because you guessed it, the oldest two are, at this hour, sitting in rows and raising hands and wishing they were here with me.
The feeling is reciprocated.
But gosh, we felt as if the classical charter school was the way to go for a while. We felt led to it, my heart had grown weary of the constant role of teacher on top of mom, and for years now I had worried that all my home educating was hurting rather than helping, slowing rather than accelerating, holding back rather than challenging them forward. I had a very low view of myself as a homeschooling mother, and just knew that the kids would be better served in a classroom this year, by a professional rather than a parent.
It seems as though I was doing okay! A lot sunk in! And when they tell me they are bored out of their minds at school… it blesses me immensely.
The perspective that the kids and I have gained over the last several months is gold. Pure and gleaming.
Pulling back, peeking in at other possibilities, noting positives and negatives, studying bents and behaviors, seeing the fruit that came from all those years of hard, wearing, worthwhile work homeschooling – I have learned much….
About who I am, who they are, education, joy, freedom, and unique assignments.
As I’ve told a few friends here lately, I feel like I had to leave homeschooling to love it again. I feel like I had to walk away from it for a while, to realize that it’s really what I wanted.
And I wouldn’t trade the perspective gained for anything.
So now, we pray. We consider. We ask questions. And seek out confirmations.
But my feelings in this moment lead me to say that as my heart has turned back to home, I think our learning will too.
Yesterday’s rest was good for all this. Pulling away provides room for the mind to think things through more clearly, and being outside with no limits or restraints took away a lot of the fog and chaos.
Isn’t it funny how we think that we will move further along in our journey if we skip rest?…when really it’s the rest that can bring forth advancement?
Let’s all try to find little moments of it today. And let’s all pray for perspective in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in this week. You never know what feelings and proclamations may pop up as you pull back a bit.
Prayers and hugs for each of you.