Bogged down. Heavy. Processed.
I feel that way today.
How could I not?
I go to the grocery and throw boxes into my squeaky wheeled cart – and I buy bread made with machines and my cravings are for cream-filled snacks made in the same way.
I buy clothes off of racks made by worn hands who aren’t compensated for the wear. And I rarely stop to consider their precious efforts.
My children play with plastic toys that make noise (and headaches). They watch shows and films that keep them from living in real color – where they could actually experience the scenes flashing across our television, instead of just hypnotically watching them.
I grow more grass than I do vegetables. And I spend my time shearing it off each week instead of tending to a worthwhile crop.
I throw my clothes in. They moisten, drain, and spin….and I throw them in another…they warm and tumble and dry. And all that’s left for my calloused-lacking hands is hanging and folding. In the midst of which I complain about the task.
I rinse my dishes and line them up in the black box next to my sink…and I pour in the suds. The box and bubbles do the job that was once designated for my hands….leaving them, as mentioned, uncalloused and less than worn.
I store up more than I give out. I cling to the temporary security that money brings – all the while refusing to feed the mouths of the poor and clothe the backs of the needy. I grow in debt and shrink in decency.
But it’s all starting to bother me. Just because it’s mainstream – doesn’t mean its for me. Often times – that can mean that it isn’t.
Today – I want to purge our pantry of the packages. I want to kneed and twist and mold mounds of bread right here in my own kitchen. I want to wear clothes made by my own hands – with stitches and needles. I want my children to discover and learn and play in dirt and come in with rosy cheeks and mud under fingernails. I want my garden to be something I tend and nourish – because it tends and nourishes me. And if I’m being honest today, I don’t want to washboard clean my wardrobe – but I do want to be thankful for the manner in which my clothes become fresh – and I do want to hang them out to dry in the air that leaves them smelling of summer. I want to use a rag to clean my dishes and as each cup passes through my hands to a drying rack – I want to thank God for how my cup always overflows.
Today – I’m craving the simple. I want to consume less and feel thankful for more. I want to minimize the stuff and maximize the blessings. I want to rid myself of the longing for things…..and fill myself with a longing for Him.
Do you ever feel this way?
Do you ever feel like doing it different?
Today – I do. And in the tomorrows ahead – I pray that the prodding continues. I pray that He prompts me to give up what never should have been mine in the first place. I pray He teaches me how….how on earth to go against the flow and live opposite of the current.
Because with less – I could do more.
With callouses come experience.
And with the simple…comes the Divine.
This is beautiful, Kate. And it tugs at a place in my heart where He has already been messing with me.
Teary,
K
I feel this way often as I listen to the trucks speed by our city house. Thanks for sharing. I'm grateful today.
I feel this same ache, this same over-fullness with my too-easy life. I think part of it is a knowledge that we aren't made for this here-and-now; and the rest is a challenge. Will we take the challenge? Will we share, will we teach our children about pouring ourselves out? Will we try to match our words with our actions? I'm trying to see my way to how to do that.
This is inspiring!! I've been wanting to make my own garden, too. (!!) so I agree with a lot of this stuff. But on the other hand…imagine how we'd look walking around with our home-made clothes! I know that I would be a MESS, personally.