What if I really let myself wander into the words that are farthest in?
What if here tonight in the quiet dark, I swept passed the surface and cut loose what’s been tucked away waiting?
What if I let myself not only find what’s lying underneath, but actually feel it. Then reveal it?
I don’t know if it’s the strong meds, maybe the remnants of fever, or possibly the idle time this week – but I feel different in my thinking.
With so much of my rote life stripped away at the moment, I’ve been able/mandated to wade through some things that I’ve had to suppress.
And really that makes it all somewhat worth it.
I wrote the above words just as the tide began to turn on this pneumonia here. I’d been forced to face myself, my life, my choices, my possibilities – because I hadn’t the ability to be distracted by all the things of house and momhood. I was laid flat and it raised up all my qualms and insides.
Much, much will come from it.
I sit here with you today, sunbeams shooting across our rented tile, the aroma of slightly overcooked breakfast sausage singeing the air, and flowers from a friend potted at the center of my table – slow, recovering, and on the upswing.
Words – from my own heart, and from the pages of books I read while ill… are hovering all within and I’m sitting here trying to decide what to share with you. There is much I could send you off with on your Monday.
But I think the following fits best. It’s from Stephen R. Covey in his very popular book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. (Simon and Shuster, 1989/2004, p.39)
“It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms. In the words of Thoreau, ‘For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.’ We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.”
And I feel like we could discuss this for days. The idea that we should pull back to get a full panoramic picture of why we do and say the things we do, while at the very same time honing in down deep and discovering why we lean in the directions we lean in, and why we react the way we do to certain events and persons, etc… If we are unhappy, unsettled, sinful even – in some area….we must have the courage and wisdom to pierce right through the dermas and get down to the real meat of our matters.
There are very practical ways of doing this, but for starters today, why don’t we ask the One who knows us through and through to help us really see this week?
Holy Spirit, point out who we are in the core of us. Give us revelation as to why we do what we do, say what we say, feel how we feel, dream what we dream. Give us visions in those areas. Speak truth to us. Set us aright. Give us clarity and accuracy and the ability to really change as we see the truth. Let us push past the surface to the root. Address us there. Heal us there. In Jesus’, yes and amen.
I feel especially sensitive to you all today – what you have walked through, what you are unhappy about, what you may be dreaming. Perhaps it is because I am currently keenly aware of all my own bents in those areas. So know, throughout the day, I’ll be praying for every heart that passes by this place – that you are met intimately and personally by a God who sees and moves, and I’ll be praying that ‘quantum’ change does come where it’s most needed.
Diving in, keeping my eyes wide open, trusting, believing… right alongside you today friends. Hugs all around.
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Blessings! – Kate 🙂